Who is a mistress, a side dish or a side chic? And what does she represent?
A mistress is that extremely seductive, intriguing and mysterious woman with never ending curves and charming smile that a married man clandestinely meets up with in a secret location for one main purpose- to make him feel good about himself, forget his real life and then round off the day with amazing sexual romps.
That is the most simplified definition of a side dish/side chic.
Yes, there will be those fantastic sexual rides in positions that even Kama Sutra does not know exist, expensive hotel room adventures (that’s if you are smart to become the mistress to someone wealthy and not just the married man down your street driving a 1998 Peugeot) the extremely seductive phone calls that leaves you gasping in orgasms, exciting secret dates you are sure his wife never experienced with him, unending gifts that convinces you he is going to leave his boring wife for the exciting you and oh boy, let’s not forget the thrill that comes with indulging in something so forbidden and excitingly dirty.
The question on everyone’s lips is then- Is being a mistress as exciting and enjoyable as it seems?
While some women can declare that the benefits of being a mistress outweighs that of being a wife, the truth is loving a married man is never a winning situation for any woman, no matter the story they put out there to their friends and family. And contrary to the old age census, every woman deserves a man of her own.
Intelligence is necessary for oneself first, and after that for love to come alive in. This means while it’s okay to fall wholeheartedly in love with any man you choose, one should apply reasoning and common sense when choosing a partner so you choose an available one.
Any man that is drawn solely to surfaces and youthful charm and flashiness is eventually not going to be man enough for the woman you have the opportunity of becoming, that is, if you ever decide to spread your wings and fly. While it may not make sense from the onset, love is more than sex, trips to exotic places and late night sweet calls while his wife sleeps.
Yes, being a mistress has its exciting moments and these are the moments that convinces a stereotypical reasonable woman to become a mistress in the first place. In the beginning when the married man woos her, the mistress holds all the power. She has the married man under a love spell and she gets all his attention and time that he should be spending with his wife. In fact, she can swear he loves her more than his wife. She may be the one he fantasizes about when making love to his wife and the one he misses when on a vacation with his wife. The mistress also gets dined and treated like a lady, she gets as much sex as time permits, she may even get some money for shopping and travelling and possibly a new car, and not having to wash his dirty socks and she doesn’t have to put up with his favorite sport on the TV or having to deal with the man coming back drunk.
He can call her out of the blues just to hear her voice and she is the woman he makes first priority and will shower with gifts to keep happy. This all sounds fun and good, but it is very short lived and eventually, the light goes on and shines on, probably back to his wife or a newer and less traveled body of another young hottie. Because when it comes to men and commitment, if it is not sealed and signed, it will wear off, and off to the next hot thing with perkier breasts and a newer and slimmer body.
As a woman, you should understand that relationships that start off in deception will end in deception. When you get involved with a married man, you psychologically turn a blind eye and deaf ear to the fact that he is a cheat and a disloyal and unreliable partner. You consciously acknowledge the fact that he is cheating on his wife with you, but in your euphoric state, fail to see that you are also a victim of his selfish & disloyal behavior but the difference between you and his wife is that you have chosen to make yourself his victim willingly.
Except in very rare occurrences where there were underlying problems in his marriage, men do not fall in love with their hearts but their heads. And as a result, men rarely leave their wives and family for mistresses, which means from the beginning when a married man woos you, he is perfectly aware of what he wants which is usually the newness of your body and they also know when they are going to end the relationship. So they string you along after consciously having you accept to become a mistress and having you believe that one day you will both be together with no more hiding around. You hang on to this fantasy, believing that your married lover truly loves you and will eventually leave his wife of 8 years and 3 children to be with you. Sadly, this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting. You get familiar with phrases such as:
“My wife has not slept with me in 6 months”
“She hardly lets me touch her”
“She doesn’t like to go down on me”
“If not for my mum who insists I stay, I would have left her”
“Sex with her is now so boring”
“I can’t wait to be married to you”
“I wish I’d met you first”
“I wish we could run away together”
“Once the children are out of secondary school, I’m walking out”
“I want to make you my wife”
“I regret the day I met her. You just get pregnant for me and we will go and see your parents”
“At times, I just wish”….
“My religion does not permit two wives but I will die first rather than lose you”
These are the anthems of a married man trying to woo a fresh body that knows nothing about his habits, his stressed life, his history and general knowledge about him. And most times, he makes these utterances before sex or while still in bed, after some good sexual loving. And because as a woman, you are a natural nurturer and fixer, you feel a pull to right all wrongs in his life and correct all the pain and loneliness his “old boring” wife has put him through.
And yes, those excuses still work even in 2017.
There are of course cases when a married man will actually leave his wife to be with his mistress, this has been known to happen, but it is rare. Plus, if it does happen, the relationship usually does not last, even if man and mistress go as far as getting married. This is because when the relationship started, it was not planted on solid, honest ground. Instead, the seed of the relationship was planted on unstable ground, fertilized with secrets and lies- regardless of whom the secrets were being kept from and whom the lies were being told to.
Secrets and lies disallow people from being their true selves- a part of you has to be put on hold due to the man-mistress circumstance. If the man and his mistress do end up together and get married, they eventually have troubles with trust, because of the way they got together. They both know that they are capable of cheating and going along with cheating and while they may actually love each other- all the facts defining their relationship has the greater influence, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.
Most men that have affairs do so because of communication problems in their marriage or an empty gap that has grown in their marriage and they are unsure on how to approach. They long for good happy company again without complications, and an affair is a good escape for them- but it does not last forever because living with another woman everyday does not cause distance but fosters a deep bond. So even if there were communication problems and other issues, consistently living with his wife for a long time will gradually heal and close any existing gaps or holes. This is when they start ignoring your calls or starts noticing you put on too much foundation and always on wig even at night, or that your nails are too long and it’s not like you are even that good in bed sef.
While there has been lots of articles by side dishes proclaiming the benefits and attention they get, the main primary role of a mistress is to give as much sex as the man has ever fantasized and not question any actions the man may put up. These are the two major reasons married men keep side dishes. So when a man is beginning a relationship with a mistress, all he wants is good sex, a listening ear without advice, and ensure not to do or say anything that will remind him of his real life. A mistress is like an animated movie. While it is enjoyable when being watched and fantasies can be created during each scenery, each viewer aside from the characters in the animated movies understand that this can never be real. No matter how good the sex is/was or the number of positions and daring acts you carry out on him to keep him spending more or being with you, the law of diminishing returns will apply after a while. And you will then become as routinous as his wife. But this time around, because no commitment ties you to him, he will find it easier leaving you and finding someone newer and hotter.
As a woman, you deserve your own man, your own family and being offered to become someone’s mistress should get you offended. While some men may be experiencing genuine problems in their marriages, would you be willing to stake your emotions on a man who has broken one of the vows of his marriage? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with a relationship that began as a lie? Would you be willing to play second fiddle for the rest of your life in case he refuses to leave his wife just because “the kids are not yet grown” or “she’s sick so I can’t leave her now”?
If financial problems is the reason you went into a relationship with a man in a Biblical/Quranic covenant with another woman, are you ready to build a relationship with a man who can disobey a Godly vow for a mere being?
The choice is for you to make. Marriage and relationships are cycles. What is new today becomes old after a while. After a while, every marriage and relationship gets routine-like and this is the part when both couple must come together to make it work.
As a woman unsure whether to go ahead and date that married man that has been pestering you for years and who just gave you the new Iphone 8 and credited your bank account last Thursday just because it was a sunny day with you in it, a man who cannot commit to a marital vow can never be yours.
Work hard to make your money, grow your confidence and see yourself as a queen. That way, you will only attract kings who understand that a woman deserves her own king and does not deserve to be kept in a harem.
N:B- Post was initially written for a third party site